Keeping Your Man Away From your Teenage Daughter’s Friends
by Ann Thrope
As women, we are the protectors of children. Men simply cannot be trusted to provide the kind and gentle touch that a woman can provide. Although some men might disagree, we women know that it is instinctual for men to seek sexual contact with all women, regardless of age, race, disability, or sexual orientation. We have all got some serious work to do, but even the longest journey must start with the first step, so here are some hints on how to help your husband hide his habit of humping helpless little girls.
Create a “Safety Zone”
When your daughter’s friends come over to visit, whether for a meal or sleepover, cordon off an area “for the girls” and let your husband and all of your other visitors know that the area is strictly off limits to men. This will provide a shelter from sexual abuse that might occur if you allowed your husband to mingle with the girls.
This photo was taken at a slumber party, the girl pictured believed she was being photographed alone. Don't let this happen to you.
Bar Money
Your husband’s drinking problem can hurt the situation, but with some skill you can use it to your advantage. Just $40 dollars for a few beers with the guys will keep him out for the whole night, so you won’t have to constantly worry about where he is inside the house, or how to redirect him next time you catch him trying to steal a peek when the girls are changing into their night clothes, or going to the bathroom. Just be sure to lock the door so that when he comes back he doesn’t try to take any liberties with the sleeping girls.
Chemical Warfare
Buy your daughter and her friends the girliest, most obnoxious, noxious perfume you can find. Try to find something that Lisa Frank herself would prefer a gas chamber to. The overpowering stench of artifical fruit and flower aromas will keep your daughters pumping the perfume into the air, and keep your slathering husband at a safe distance upwind.
Last Resort: Harmless Appeasement
If you just cannot keep your husband away from those tight little bodies, you can still avoid unnecessary sexual harassment and rape allegations on the family name by practicing safe methods of satisfying your husband’s insatiable cravings. Try installing nanny cameras in the bathroom and bedrooms, and allow your husband to peruse the video at his leisure. Be sure to hide the cameras well, because if the girls find out you’ll need to take drastic measures to ensure that this method won’t come back to haunt you. If your worst fears become realized, try to convince the girls that everything is totally appropriate, and use your best matriarchal tone to encourage them to embrace the practice of appeasing your husband. The girls will grow up fast, and hopefully embrace teasing the cameras as a valuable exercise in raising their self-esteem and developing a positive self-image.
My hubby, my whole family, loves the nanny cameras we installed last summer. The girls can be left in peace now and while watching them he can please himself without harming anyone in the immediately family.
Finally, a woman who gets it. Congrats on keeping the house in order. Just watch out with that method you may run though a lot of socks.
This is possibly the most twisted opinion I have ever read. This has to be satire.
You’re twisted. This is not “satire” you pervert.
Is this….is this for real?
Umm, what do you mean? If it was not real you wouldn’t be commenting on it silly.
This article is both creepy and sexist.
You are creepy, this article is just the facts.
I know this is meant to be satire (at least I hope so) but just-in-case: As a man I would say that if you notice your man doing any of the above, please leave him, he is an asshole and there are way better men out there. Plus he is really creepy and will make you look bad too.
What is satire anyway? Is that like, sex-romance? I can’t believe how you men find ways to tie everything to sex. And please, don’t pretend there are men out there who don’t want to take advantage of young women with pristine, smooth skin and barely even one wrinkle.
You are by far the most despicable writer I have ever had the misfortune to read. Men are not all hound dogs striving for the next chance for intercourse, the women who are in relations with such snake-like, disgusting people should run away. There are men every day who strive for the betterment of women who have been treated wrongly. The “options” of how to keep your shallow view of “men” at bay sicken me and please go back to third grade to learn how to fix all of your typos.
If you were in front of me I would spit in your face.
Yeah, you would say that. Its the only way you men will still be tolerated to give those awkward, prolonged hugs so that they can feel the gentle caress of newly maturing breasts. And please, don’t try to insult my writing, it has been thoroughly reviewed by our team of editors. If you find any mistakes, trust they are not typographical errors but instead the result of your own misunderstanding of the English language.
If you were in front of me and spit in my face I would do my best to catch it in my mouth so as not to allow you ruin my makeup.
“Yeah, you would say that. Its the only way you men will still be tolerated to give those awkward, prolonged hugs so that they can feel the gentle caress of newly maturing breasts.”
Wow. Methinks it is Ann who thinks creepy things about most subjects. You make me feel weird inside. Mum always said I should trust my gut instinct on ‘bad’ people and you make me feel the worst kind of creep factor. If you didn’t keep insisting this isn’t satire I’d leave it alone. But i’m fearful for you and your children and those of any women who believe what you write or feel it is truth.
The only other thing I can think is that you have been abused at some point or have never experienced a good male role model.
Sincerely hoping this /is/ satire…
For the last time this is not sex-romance, stop trying to claim I’m writing some kind of perverted satire. I don’t know why you feel so strongly that I am a bad person, maybe you should take a good hard look in the mirror. It’s probably just your shadow of guilt.
to the author of this INSANE ARTICLE! You are outa your freaking mind, if you cant keep your husband from sexually assalting young girls that means he is a freaking threat and you as a mother should not allow young girls into harms wway by even being in your home! you are aiding a sex offender! what the hell is wrong with you! this is sick beyond belief! I cannot believe that you would not only victimize the young girls you are allowing into harms way but also ready to talk them into allowing this disgusting behavior to occur. Your husband needs to be shot if he cant take no for an answer, and you deserve to have the same thing happen to you. No one protected me from being beaten and raped for three months when i was 4 years old because the mother(not unlike yourself) of my babysitter who knew he targeted and victimized young girls when he was given the opportunity. SHe allowed me and my younger brother to be put into harms way to protect her son. That cock sucker spent 3MONTHS IN JAIL after almost killing me. and scaring me for life. No excuses should be made for your sick ass husband nor for you. He should be outed to the community so that families can protect their children against him. and if you have children, what may i ask is he doing to them when your not home, Ive been given the harsh realization that when given an inch,these types of predators, and thats what your husband is, a predator! will take a fucking mile! and you Lady are doing nothing to protect innocense. you are disgusting, and i hope to god that you are caught before ne1 really gets hurt. Im surprised that the police havent tracked your ip address and arrested you. sick fuck!
You are the most arrogant and sexist person I’ve ever heard of. If your husband has a problem with his sexuality, then you’re doing something severely wrong. If a grown man in a permanent relationship has to seek pleasure by looking at / touching his own DAUGHTER then he’s sick and needs immideate treatment by a licensed psycayatrist. This is not how men are, and deep in your heart, you know that.
To judge another is to judge yourself. And you’re a stuck up cunt you is to cross-eyed to get her bitch face to see that she is socially retarded and not worth any man’s time.
You my dear are a pervert and a troll. You would think that most men are going to commit a crime that can get labelled a sex offender? I believe you are the Biggest and the Ugliest troll to ever be in front of a computer. Where do you get these ideas that normal grown men are going to do this? What about women who sleep with underage boys, do hold them to this same standard that you hold these few perverts to? I mean really why do you hate the human race Mis An Thrope because I’m convinced you do. Please for the sake of the human race, just stop with this pseudo-scientific thought process to demonize all males and in fact demonize all people of all races, but then again why stop at all? You Foul Pervert.
With Regards
Uncle Lucie
If I’m a troll you’re going to have to pay the toll to get across this bridge (I’m so clever). Women who sleep with teenage boys are only wrong for doing something so wonderful that they risk ruining the rest of a child’s life. Fantasies of fucking your friend’s mother aren’t supposed to actually be carried out. After a boy has that, what does he even have to live for?
Wow. I’m a 17 year old girl, and reading this literally made me wanna punch you in the face. You’re DELUSIONAL. You’re husband must be a rapist or you yourself must have been sexually abused at a kid or something. At first I thought to myself, “is this a serious article?”
I honestly can not believe you, it’s you and your pervert husband that corrupt this world and make it ugly. You’re the sick one. I strongly believe you need some therapy. BADLY.
I can see why you wouldn’t want to publish this on April first.
Honestly this is so bizarre. Step back from the male perception of this and think about the sorts of adversarial notions this would teach to young women. By setting up a provocative and adversarial dynamic you are teaching the false lesson that men and women can not co-exist peacefully and with mutual respect. The profound lack of trust this will instill in a young girl may never be dealt with.
The worst part is that I honestly believe you think this is a good idea. Even just cordoning off a portion of the house is saying tacitly that teen age girls can not exist in the real world. If they need to be alone they have your daughter’s bedroom.
The profound distrust you are assuming exists in all male-female relationships is not the hard fact that you seem to take it for.
I will not even dignify the suggestion of perversely spying on underage girls by commenting on it further.
“By setting up a provocative and adversarial dynamic you are teaching the false lesson that men and women can not co-exist peacefully and with mutual respect. ”
False lesson?
“The profound lack of trust this will instill in a young girl may never be dealt with.”
Maybe, but she’s not going to be taking my man!
One word author, “Misandry”. You are guilt of it. Good day.
If you think this is serious, you’ve got serious judgment problems. Bunch of sheep. Gah.
…please tell me you’re joking. Please, PLEASE tell me that this is a joke. I… I just can’t believe you. This article is completely sexist and twisted. You are clearly out of your mind! And can I just say something:
“What is satire anyway? Is that like, sex-romance? I can’t believe how you men find ways to tie everything to sex.”
Satire is using witty language to convey insults. It has NOTHING TO DO WITH SEX. You are clearly tying everything to sex. Let’s look at an example:
“What is satire anyway? Is that like, sex-romance?”
You go on to complain about how men tie everything to sex. But you don’t even know what satire is! You’re GUESSING WRONGLY, AND THEN BLAMING MEN FOR TYING THINGS TO SEX! You’re either stupid or crazy. I’m so deeply offended that you say that what all men want is sex; I’m a virgin! I’m a man! I’ve never tried to rape anybody! If your husband does try to rape your children, CALL THE FUCKING POLICE YOU PSYCHOPATH!
Are you completely insane? I’m a woman, and your view points are sexist, biased and hateful! Men are not mindless animals with no control over their actions! They do not need to fuck everything that moves! If you want to take the evolutionary route in arguing this, women need to do the same thing. Back in the day, men and women would sleep together indiscriminately to increase the chances of conception. Now, you’d like to make the claim that women have evolved past this, but men haven’t? Women, in increasingly larger numbers, have been getting caught having inappropriate sexual relationships with children! There are several easy to find news reports of women seducing their children’s friends, or their students, or their own step children!
Humans, man or women, can be predators, or they can be protectors. You cannot make a blanket decision to lock out one “group” of humans, and think that will protect you and yours. You need to actually take the time to *gasp* vet those you allow around your loved ones. Man or woman, check them out, spend time with them, get to know the content of their character! You CANNOT assume all men are a threat, nor can you assume that all women are not a threat! That’s just insanity!
Whoever wrote this is a sick, paranoid individual!
The hidden cameras I had installed on your advice were a good idea. I went one further and had a dancing pole installed in my daughter’s bedroom, and bought her some dance pole weight loss videos. Now she and her friends can lose weight while gaining valuable skills, and my horndog of a husband is much less likely to cause an embarrassing visit from the police.
Thanks so much!
You have to be joking. I can’t think of any other way to explain your ludicrous article and your ignorant, delusional comments. I’m a fifteen year old girl, and I have no idea from what “facts” you’re drawing your information. I have quite a few adult men in my life, and I’ve never gotten so much as an instinct that their intentions were less than honorable. I’ve slept over at friends’ houses many, many times, and each time my friends’ fathers haven’t had any contact with us other than greeting us at the door and maybe fixing us breakfast in the morning. I’ve gone to my male science teacher for help after school, and even though the school was mostly empty and I was the only one in his room he left the door open, the lights on and didn’t lay one finger on me. Also, the thing at the end about installing secret cameras was horrifying, and I’m pretty sure it’s illegal! If I found out I was being filmed changing and using the bathroom, I wouldn’t “embrace teasing the camera”, I would feel so violated and scared! As a teenage girl, I really only have one thing to say to you, and that’s you should be ashamed of yourself!
“I’ve slept over at friends’ houses many, many times, and each time my friends’ fathers haven’t had any contact with us other than greeting us at the door and maybe fixing us breakfast in the morning. I’ve gone to my male science teacher for help after school, and even though the school was mostly empty and I was the only one in his room he left the door open, the lights on and didn’t lay one finger on me.”
Well obviously your friend’s mother has read this article and makes sure he doesn’t have time to do more than greet you, and when he is around he has his hands busy making breakfast.
As far as your teacher goes, he was probably just building trust. The last thing you need to worry about is him laying a finger on you.
This is the most disgraceful & sexist article I have ever had the misfortune of reading.
I have got a very strong suspicion that the author of this article (Ann Thorpe) has some very serious personal complexes regarding her own experiences with men, these are issues that she needs to talk through with a qualified professional.
Maybe if she did decide to get her twisted & vulgar mind examined, in future she may not feel the need to spread garbage like this on the internet.
Good luck with your very much needed treatment Ann, you certainly need it.
I can certainly see why your husband drinks.
Nanny cams don’t prevent rape by the way. If you try to deter the rapist by telling them where they are, they’ll do it where they aren’t. If you keep them secret you’ll only have evidence, but you haven’t actually protected the girl.
Assuming you’re living with a rapist in the first place.
Which I can understand since I doubt a normal person would have you.
The cam’s aren’t to stop rape, they are part of the replacement process. This is why the girls are encouraged to use them to their fullest advantage. The more nanny-cam goodies hubby gets, the less likely he will have the energy or motivation to actually rape one of the girls.
I have to say the cameras are great to have. My wife installed them and showed me how to watch them on the PC. Now when the girls are over I can do what I need to do and be relaxed without any real desire to touch them. I can then interact after my stress release session. It is nice as I then can go and help them by prepping snacks while still staying back as no girl wants dad around her friends. I did have a weak moment when one of her friend came on to me a bit but due to my lack of tension in that certain area a few kind words and a hug helped build her self esteem without damaging her for life. Little did she know I had done everything I already wanted to do to her in my mind. Thanks Ann for these wonderful suggestions. If it where not for people who openly talk about feeling and urges like you,my wife and I a young girl may have been deflowered that night.