Psychologists Identify New Disorder for Children Without ADHD
by Jane Sane
There is a growing trend today among our children. More and more, our children are being diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). And yes, they really have it. So many, in fact, that psychologists have begun to notice that children diagnosed with ADHD are beginning to outnumber those without. This epic generational shift in consciousness has changed the way we think about psychological pathology. As a result, a new disorder has been identified among our youth, Extended Focal Fortitude Disorder, or EFFD. EFFD kids display signs of being disturbingly patient, unnaturally calm, and show a near total inability to lose focus or become irritable when confined to a small space or an extended activity. EFFD may be a new disorder, however, it is being diagnosed rapidly across the country. In fact, it is estimated that by the end of the year nearly all children without ADHD will be diagnosed with EFFD.
An unfortunate early-warning sign of an EFFD child.
Ginny Treelane, 14, was diagnosed with EFFD just over three months ago, being one of the pioneer cases of the disorder in children. I actually had a chance to interview Ginny, and she told me about her experiences living with EFFD.
Jane: Hello Ginny, thank you for allowing me to interview you today. I am sure it can be difficult to talk about your experiences living with EFFD, and so I will try my best to be sensitive to you throughout the interview.
Ginny: Thank you, Jane, but the pleasure is all mine. I happen to be very comfortable talking about my condition, so don’t be afraid to ask the tough questions.
Jane: Thank you, Ginny, allow me to begin. What was it like before you knew you had EFFD?
Ginny: Life was strange. All around me other children were whizzing around, texting each other, posting on facebook, and sharing youtube videos. I couldn’t keep up with the rapid shifts in amusement and manic laughter. I preferred to keep to myself and read novels or write short stories. The other kids didn’t understand why I would do all those boring things for such a long time, and so after a while my teacher saw how maladjusted I was and had me speak with the school psychologist. After a few meetings it was decided that I should see a specialist who was working with other EFFD children locally.
Jane: How did things change after you saw the specialist?
Ginny: My life turned around. Before I knew I was EFFD I didn’t understand my peers, and I had never developed the necessary social skills to interact in the fast-paced world we live in. But after being enlightened to how EFFD I was I suddenly understood how abnormal I was. It definitely wasn’t normal to be reading for 4 or more hours, no matter how much it was raining outside.
Jane: What are your options for treatment?
Ginny: Therapy can be an option, but EFFD doesn’t just go away. I can’t simply put down the journal and pick up an iPhone and hope that I’ll get better. That’s why my specialist prescribed me a new medication for my EFFD. Ironically, the same medications used to treat ADHD are used to treat EFFD, Adderal, Ritalin, and other amphetamine and cocaine analogues. When a child with ADHD takes these medications, they gain focus and concentration, but when a child with EFFD takes them they lose their patience and ability to concentrate, which can help in disrupting problematic behaviors associated with EFFD, like reading.
Jane: Wow, Ginny, you know so much about your disorder, it is impressive.
Ginny: Please don’t mention it. Sadly it is a side-effect of my disease. I could not help but investigate everything about being EFFD until I had educated myself completely on the matter.
Jane: Sorry for bringing it up, but you are so brave. I will let you go now. Be strong.
Ginny: Thanks Jane, you too.
Ginny was a truly astounding individual. If yourself or someone you know might be EFFD, advise them to seek attention immediately. Without proper treatment, EFFD can result in virtuoso musical ability, mastery in various crafts, and highly-developed artistic ability. In fact, if you made it this far into this article you need to seek help now. I have noticed my lack of distraction while writing this, so little, in fact, that I fear I will have to be committed for being EFFD and out of control. Sorry for this.
you people are disgusting, no I will not and never “advise them tos eek attention immediately” because they pay “to much attention”. It’s called being normal, and there’s nothing wrong with it. If you take your child to the doctor because they would rather read than play with a worthless iphone than you’re a disgusting parent and your child should be removed from your care. Period.
No, you are disgusting. You parade around as if you know anything about psychology. Really, you probably should get checked for EFFD, that angry response was a little long if you know what I mean.
Since when is reading for 4 hours continuously considered abnormal? More people should do that.
Who are you? A lobbyist for the treatment of bedsores industry?
It’s sad that society feels the need to label (and medicate) our children when they don’t fall into the “normal” expectations of how they “should” behave.
Ginny you are not ‘abnormal” you are being you, and that’s a splendid thing!
Please stop harassing Ginny, that isn’t right. You don’t know anything about her, you don’t understand her, and you need to stop trying to help. You just might do the opposite.
Nice tongue-in-cheek take on the ADHD “epidemic”.
- an undiagnosed lifelong EFFD sufferer
It seems like you completely invalidated the disorder with your comments at the end of this article. It seemed sarcastic and belittling to the people who do have this disorder. Maybe that is what you intended. I really don’t know.
Not at all. I saw my psychiatrist today and he told me that I was right to seek help after writing for over two hours without a break. It is not socially acceptable and it could even be dangerous to do such a thing for so extended a period of time. Now that I’ve got my meds adjusted everything should be smooth sai
Yet another “disorder” for people like you to make money off of.
You people make me sick!!! These kids are NORMAL, can’t you see that???
PLEASE STOP PLAYING WITH THEIR MINDS. THEY ARE EFFD.
Peace, Jane. All of us are just stating an opinion. Everyone has their own truth. We need not use words or labels.
“We need not use words or labels.”
Well why did you use them?
When all my peers were diagnosed with ADHD and I was left alone without a need for daily medication, I suffered socially and educationally. It wasn’t until college when I was introduced to the life-changing affects of crystal meth that I understood how the rest of my peers felt all the time.
Since my discovery of my illness, I’ve been able to self-medicate and control the amount of time I focus by intermittently distracting myself for days at a time with hundreds of confusing and easily dismissed tasks.
I’ve already started to water the plastic flowers on cat graveyard in the back patio seven times today. And it’s all thanks to this new discovered disease.
I just signed up for therapist’s disorders. This EFFD thing sent shivers down my spine — it sounded exactly like me!
I used to suffer from EFFD but my doctor prescribed me 4 liters daily of a miracle cure called Mountain Dew. Now I can’t stop shaking and I’m unable to sleep. Thanks modern psychology!
I’m a 25 year old father of one. I believe I will have severe ADHD even into my later life.
With the amount of distractions like technology, child toys and video games. What did you think was going to happen? You think that children will just sit when they have the internet, 400 channels of television and the DVD players in the car seats?
This “epidemic” which is terribly labeled. Is of your own making, Parents – you bought the toy that plays mp3′s instead of the educational toy.
So they made better, more interesting ones.
Lastly calling this an epidemic is grammatically illogical and irresponsible.
An epidemic is a disease that spreads rapidly.
ADHD stands for attention deficit hyperactivity disorder.
It is a disorder not a disease.
Epidemic may also refer to:
* Epidemic (film), a 1987 film
* Epidemic (band), a San Francisco Bay Area thrash metal band from the late 1980s and early 1990s.
* Epidemic Records
* Epidemic, a song by Slayer on their 1986 album, Reign In Blood
* Epidemic!, a 1961 novel by Frank G. Slaughter
Thankyou for your time.
You have ADHD? After a comment like that you better get a second opinion. You seem fairly EFFD to me.
I can’t stop laughing, it’s so funny, I obviously have EFFD, all my friends have it.
I’m ADHD… but i love to read. I was the first in my class to learn to read… i love sitting and reading all day…
Maybe these things, ADHD, and EFFD dont really exist.
Its called personality and temperment. For the love of Mother Theresa, can we just agree to disagree and get on with our lives
First you say you are ADHD, then you say maybe ADHD doesn’t really exist. Are you implying that you don’t really exist?
Hilarious Sane Jane! Well done! I certainly hope everyone’s comments were just playing into the irony.
Irony?
The doctor prescribed me some dihydrogen monoxide for my EFFD diagnosis.
Children are all sick. They’re too short and they ask too many questions!
>The doctor prescribed me some dihydrogen monoxide for my EFFD diagnosis.
You KNOW that stuff has been linked to thousands of deaths by tsunami (and more potential H-bomb deaths)! How can you use such a dangerous product?
This article makes me angry! How dare you tell me how to raise my children!
Seriously. I’m amazed at how few of those who commented recognized this as the satire it is.
It’s sad how people refuse to see these articles for the parodies and satire’s that they are.
I can’t say that I thought people were smarter than that, I just figured that the really scary ones didn’t know how to get onto the internet.
I know. It sad. But most kids and people are not introduced to satire any more unless they take literary classes or seek a degree in english so they have no idea what great satire is. As a guy with ADHD i was laughing my ass off!
So, should i be worried that my daughter, according to her nursery, is already super smart compared to other children her age?
Also, i want to thank you for a good laugh, i need to visit america, and meet people like you lot.
You know, one of my kids has ADHD, and I spend so much time running after him that I hadn’t noticed my other boy has all the signs of being EFFD mentioned. I’m so glad I read this, it has really opened my eyes, I’ll make sure to look into this!
You’re welcome. You kid may be a little EFFD but its ok, be strong.
this article is a Joke, in fact the whole site is a joke to provoke flame war and increase traffic and make money out of the sponsors. Sadly some people will believe what they read here and follow those pseudo advice and there “Harmless Joke” will do harm.
This isn’t a joke, you are, for posting this comment on so many articles. Shame on you, for thinking this is some kind of money making scheme. Actually, the money has already been made. Our subscriptions have gone through the roof, and we’re printing stacks of magazines that are shipping out worldwide. We’re rich! Filthy, filthy rich!
According to scientific studies, substances such as taurine, suchrose and ethanol can be used to cure EFFD.
My child was diagnosed with EFFD. It’s a shame, but I don’t mind too much. I already have another child on the way. Hopefully this one won’t be broken.
Wow, what a great article! I’m so glad to see that all the kids that were previously just considered normal now have a proper diagnosis for their condition. There really is no excuse for even using such a generalising word like normal anyway. This is a much better alternative. My only concern is that i have actually had ADHD my whole life, but like Ginny i ALSO enjoyed reading books for long periods of time. Does this mean that i have BOTH of these conditions???? I certainly hope that i do, as this would help me feel unique in a word where uniqueness is so quickly explained and classified or attributed to something classifiable that it is actually really hard just to be unique. Especially when so many people are trying to do the same thing. Anyway, with luck there will soon be a diagnosis for my currently unique condition and it is my sincere hope that the treatment will allow me to use both Dexamphetamine AND medical Marijuana. That would be just superb i think!
You might have both. Either way talk to your doctor about Adderal, Ritalin, and other stimulant treatments.
How no one gets that this is satire is beyond me. Love this site.