The “Girls Night Out” Barroom Playbook

by Ann Thrope

Men think they are so clever. Over the years a number of effective maneuvers have made it into sports playbooks from basketball to curling.  What most men, and women, don’t know is that most of these plays weren’t developed on the playing field.  They were developed while playing the field. This article might be a yawn for many women, but for the sake of review, here are some basic plays you can use to take the shame out of your game.

"Fake out the coverage"

The Blindside Pick

This play has gotten countless ladies out of trouble.  You’ll need one of your larger friends to play forward, and they need to hold their ground.  When a man who you don’t want to talk to can’t take a hint, just move as pictured to run him into the pick.  He won’t even know what hit him.  Booyakasha!

"Find your holes and use them."

The Line Shift

Use the line to your advantage. Develop signals, like keywords or gestures, and coordinate the play on the fly whenever necessary.  If there are two men standing near each other, and your line is in protection, you can have them shift to move the holes.  This will allow them to block an oncoming rush so you can pass to the cornerback in the corner.  If you have to, drop back and take your time to find the hole yourself.

"Watch out for interceptions."

The Fly Out

The fly out can be tricky, because you’ll be executing a pass that could possibly be distant.  Your wide receiver, who will be a more promiscuous friend who has a penchant for anal and no problem picking up guys for quick sex, needs to follow her route perfectly. When you’re both ready, you give the coverage a fake.  Say, “I’m waiting for my boyfriend but my friend over there seems to like you.” At that moment, the wide receiver will make contact with the coverage and signal for for the pass.  If she has good hands and doesn’t fumble she’ll be on course for a touchdown.

"If your line fails, you might need to run it yourself."

The QB Sneak

Sometimes your line will fail you and box out at the end of the night when they want it “to just be us girls.” You have other plans, however, and are ready to take off by yourself.  You’ll need to make it around your line and avoid a sack to get out into coverage, where you can run off with the defender in toe.  If you can’t run in heels, try distracting your line by making them hold your shoes while you run out to the car for a more comfortable pair.  They’ll loosen up their blocking and you should be able to slip around them with ease.