Men are From Mars, Women are From… ah Forget it!

by Jane Sane

The differences between men and women have always been greatly exaggerated. It seems like half of us have our own stupid pet theory, and the other half of us have given up on trying to understand at all. But the differences between men and women really aren’t that complicated. The little kid from Kindergarten Cop was right.  Boys have penises, girls have vaginas.  The ramifications from that simple difference are not vast, and they are not mystifying.  All it takes is looking at how the environment for each is different as a result of the differences in anatomy. These physical differences lead to real differences in how people are taught, perceived, and used in society.

So what are the real differences between men and women? It might seem obvious but it can be easy to forget the fine details. Think back to your younger days. Remember when your parents taught you how to take care of your body? For men it was simple: “Wash your dick.” But for women, it was not so easy.  Not only did we have to make sure to clean out all those little crevices, we had to use a mirror to even look at what was going on down there.  Even then, the deeper reaches would probably always remain a mystery.  When a man gets taught what his penis is, he can see it, hold it, and probably already has.  When a girl gets told they have a uterus, it comes as a surprise.  Even then, the girl has to learn the meaning of the word without ever even seeing it.

More differences? Well, perhaps the one that gets the most attention is that women have periods. Now you might be thinking, “But Jane, not all women suffer from PMS, I see where you are going with this and…” No, no you don’t. Shut up and read. PMS is a very minor part of the overall effect of menstruation in women. When we got old enough our mother had to teach us all about having a period. We had to learn that just because of what we were born as, we would have to deal with it every month, and that’s if all’s well! What could we do about the days of bleeding and cramps? Nothing, except for deal with it.  The only way to get out of it for a little while was to have a kid! Sound familiar? Do you really think woman’s suffrage would have taken so long if we all had dicks?

We’ve also learned to avoid the painful words that bring back the memories of that bloated, achy feeling in the uterus. Whereas when men talk about their bodies, which is rarely (no surprise due to how low maintenance they are), they’ll state things directly, like “My dick hurts.” or “My balls itch.” We women prefer to use euphemisms, or even signals, like “that time of the month,” knowing nods, or pointing “down there.”  We sometimes prefer talking about the symptoms instead of the whole thing at once.  You won’t catch a man telling his friends, “I have some pressure in my jeans.” he’s going to say, “She gave me a boner!”  Whereas we women wouldn’t be caught dead saying “I’m bleeding from my vag.” to each other.  Instead its, “I started my period.”  A period.  Is it any surprise we use a word used to describe a brief silence as innuendo for a bleeding uterus?  Am I suggesting that the sheer mystery that is a vagina leads to differences in communication in all aspects of life?  No.  But learning to communicate about that mysterious vagina without actually being able to see whats going on has got to have an effect, especially when you get to enjoy what happens all on it’s own, out of sight, every single month.

More to come… on boobs!