Dear Esther

by Jenn Grimm

Dear Esther,

My boyfriend keeps begging me to try anal-play. I don’t want to do it at all, poop comes out of there! I’m scared that if I don’t do it he might try to find someone who will, maybe even a man. What can I do about his anal sex cravings?

Dear Troubled,

"Even Jesus may have sinned in his weaker moments."

I will have to break from my fellow Monthly females on this particular topic. I’m sure you may have come across the article on this very subject posted recently. The distasteful smut that passes for journalism around here is enough to make ones faith in the Lord waiver (almost). Normally I would advice any struggling woman to do as her man asks without question, as any proper woman would. Not here, not with this. No way. Esther Judith Frost does not condone sodomy or the filthy, disgusting heathens that willingly partake in acts that disrespect their Lord and savior, Jesus Christ and will burn in the flames of Hell for their grotesque acts.

The Bible is explicit about such things: Therefore God also gave them up to uncleanness, in the lusts of their hearts, to dishonor their bodies among themselves, . . .

For this reason God gave them up to vile passions.  For even their women exchanged the natural use for what is against nature…. …shameful, and receiving in themselves the penalty of their error which was due. And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to , to do those things which are not fitting.(Romans 1:24, 26-28)

Sodomy and sodomites are not fit to live in the world of our God. They are only fit for the sulphur pits of hell.That your boyfriend wishes to stray from the path and indulge himself and you in such vile acts is reason enough to leave such a man. He is already on the path to homosexuality, and we both know how God feels about the homosexuals. My partner once brought up the subject, but I was stern and held my ground making it clear I would not participate in any sexual act that God would not approve of. I am a woman after all, and I have the procreative parts meant for intercourse in the normal, acceptable way. Having an object inserted into me like that is not how God intended two people to have intercourse.

If you really wish to stay with your boyfriend, I would suggest you reject his advances, and let him know that you’re afraid God would not look kindly on the two of you engaging in such horrific acts. If your boyfriend attempts to ‘surprise you’ with it, I would leave and immediately research the laws on sodomy in your state and see if there is any legal recourse you can take.

Anal sex… even the words themselves make me feel like I have sinned just typing them.